Addiction
by DarthSukiMomo
Summary: There was a number of places and ways that it could have started. In the car, at home, or even walking to the police station where an investigation was still taking place. It could have started anywhere at all, and Norman Jayden was absolutely sure anywhere and anytime else would have been better, than right now.


There was a number of places and ways that it could have started. In the car, at home, or even walking to the police station where an investigation was still taking place. It could have started anywhere at all, and Norman Jayden was absolutely sure anywhere and anytime else would have been better, than right now.

His hands were always one of the first signs that it was coming on. They would begin to shake, and shake incessantly. It would be like a chill had run down his arms, deep and permeating everything from skin to bone, and his hands would just shake like leaves in the wind. He wouldn't be able to stop them.

And when the young FBI agent began to feel the tell-tale sensation of his hands begining to thrum and twitch, he was sure his heart nearly stopped with the realization of it's full meaning. No. Not here. Anywhere, anywhere in the world but here.

In front of him, the roomful of police investigators looked at him oddly, the chief being the one with the most prominent and noticeable look of concern.

"Jayden?" He said lightly, almost offhandedly, while the man was doing everything he could to force the shaking into a dull throb of movement, his fingers almost clenching the clicker he held in his palm for giving the presentation (which, suddenly he realized was getting almost painfully bright in his eyes). The oncoming sensation was nearly overwhelming, and the only response that the concerned question pulled from him was a muted nod.

"Y-Yeah," he managed, quickly deciding to set down the remote control and out of the line of the projector's light. Too bright. Everything was just too bright, too loud. And when the man continued on in a poor attempt of an excuse-he really needed to get out before the shaking got worse, before the other symptoms started to show-he realized even the sound of his own voice was getting painful. "I just-er, I...I need to use the bathroom."

It was a piss-poor excuse, but it managed to allow him passage out of the room, having to push a few people out of the way so he could get to the door. Deafening sound around him, bright lights blinding him. He was just barely able to open the door and walk out without tripping over his own feet.

Blake was one of the investigators that saw the man's odd and sudden behavior, though he was the only one that actually stood up and excused himself nearly instantly after Norman had left the room. The chief inquired with a gruff worry if Blake knew about anything with the agent, to which the man gruffly replied with a 'fuck if I know'.

Though it didn't mean that he wasn't worried. Carter left the room without another word to the others, leaving them in a confused daze along the lines of the last thing Jayden was talking about. Something about using a 'bubble method' for finding points of travel to find a suspect for a recent murder. They continued to talk about it, and Carter's mind was only upon finding Jayden, bubbles be damned.

Outside the room, the halls of the police station were almost eerily silent. Most of the officers (the ones not needed for the case) had up and gone home; it was late and it wasn't entirely a surprise. But he couldn't find a single trace of the missing agent, and for a moment Carter felt his heart twist.

It wasn't for another stressful, tense minutes that the older man finally found Jayden in the men's restroom (should have been his first guess).

"Norm...?" he started, pushing the door open wider and taking a few steps in so he could see the other man.

Jayden was hunched forward, form shaking and weak, hands practically stark-white as they clenched the sides of a sink. He didn't reply at all to Blake, and instead it seemed that his body gave a full shudder at the sound of his words. So Carter tried again, standing beside Jayden and letting a soft, concerned palm onto the curve of his shoulder.

"What the fuck is wrong?" It came out a bit harsh, but the meaning underneath the words were there. Soft and concerned little words of 'are you alright?' from a lover, hidden away from anyone else but Jayden and Blake. "Hey, Norm, seriously can you speak?"

Norman groaned in reply, trying to do everything he could to make the world stop spinning around him. His mind was practically churning with pain, unable anymore to determine was was up or down. It felt as if his eyes, his head, his spine and body were on fire or dipped in lava. It hurt so much that it was all he could do not to simply open his lips and scream.

Blake understood the seeming lack of response to the fact that Norman simply /couldn't/ respond, and let his palm linger over the man's shoulder. "...Er...are you going to throw up? It's better to do that in the toilet, you know." Again, the older man's hidden and affectionate concern wasn't unnoticed, but there was no response. At least, no verbal one.

Jayden's world was a top, spinning faster and faster so badly that he was still wobbling and shaking with his hands clenched tightly to the sink. He couldn't stand up, couldn't hold his own body from falling into a crumpled, painful heap upon the ground.

So when he simply and almost nearly fell limp, it was Carter that instantly caught him in his arms.

"F-Fuck! Norman!" The seemingly angry tone was anything but.

The dark-haired agent feebly tried to push his feet to the floor, hold himself up, but instead they flopped about in useless ability, brain unable to make his muscles work. The world continued to spin, faster and faster.

"Cartah..."

And then with a wave of pain, Jayden was out cold.

Blake swore to himself, a thick feeling of worry starting to lump in his throat. In the men's restroom with an unconcious Jayden in his arms, who had fainted from a reason that he didn't even fuckin' know. And outside there was a group of his co-workers who were expecting the rest of the presentation from him.

Oh fuckin' great.

It took a long time for him to explain that Norman wasn't feeling good at all, and even longer to try and explain why it was Carter Blake who was 'taking the pansy home' and not anyone else. Considering the only one outside of the actual two who were in the relationship to know about them being Ethan fucking Mars (Carter didn't even know why Jayden and the old suspect even got along like wives from the fifties), it was very difficult just to get Jayden out of the building.

But upon pulling a few ties and getting a few odd looks, he finaly managed it. He carried Norman to his car and gently placed him inside, though it wasn't until he moved to sit into the driver's side did he actually ask himself if the man needed to go to the hospital. A few investigators suggested it (highly suggested it), but Blake hadn't actually pondered upon the idea himself.

Logic would have denoted that, as any worried lover should have, Blake take Jayden to the nearest hospital. However, Blake wasn't one who normally did as logic does, and instead drove home. He lifted the small man from the car when they arrived, and easily got him onto their shared bed in the upstairs bedroom.

He layed the young man down onto the soft bed, then, with an almost unsure lack of grace, undressed him and pulled the covers over the thin, soft body.

And then Carter sat on the chair next to the bed, and proceeded to wait. There wasn't a fever, and there wasn't any form of wounds anywhere on Jayden's body, so the older cop simply decided that he would have to wake up eventually, right?

Norman didn't wake up until several hours later. From late at night the clock moved on until it was nearly five in the morning. Carter was nearly asleep himself when he heard the rustle of bedsheets beside him.

"Cartah?" The soft, almost confused voice came. He looked over and saw that Jayden was obviously awake, his eyes wide open and staring at him as if he hand't a clue in the world where he was or why he was there. "What happened? The briefing, I need to-"

"It was hours ago Norm," Blake replied gruffly. He pushed the man back down onto the bed when he tried to get up. "You fucking passed out after stumbling out of the room."

He left out the part where he had to carry him home, but luckily the other man didn't even bother asking. Instead, Jayden rubbed a hand over his eyes and groaned. The tone sounded pained. And that led to Carter's first question of the morning.

"Norm; what the hell happened with you?" Carter pressed his hand down firm over that flat chest when it was obvious that the younger agent really didn't want to lay down. With the few seconds of silence that past, it was obvious that Norman wasn't going to answer. Blake didn't put too much force in keeping the man held down, and instead his worry and anger poured into his question when he repeated it. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Norman replied instantly, deciding to turn onto his side since Blake wouldn't let him up. Blake growled (fucking /growled/) at the man's stubborn reply.

"Seriously. You /fainted/ Norm. You never faint." Carter pressed his tone even harder. Whatever Norman's problem was, he certainly had a right to know about it. The silence caved within the room, and it left both men at a loss for how to fill it back up. The air was filled with a thick sense of worry, anger, and something else that Carter honestly couldn't describe.

For a split second, the word 'guilt' popped up somewhere in his head. And he stopped. His hand pulled away from Jayden's body, and instead he leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms. The sudden firmness of his eyes would have been obvious, if Jayden was even facing the man in order to see it.

"...When was the last time you took /it/." Blake couldn't' help the dark tone of his voice. Accusing.

Norman shifted slightly in the bed, pulling more of the blanket over his body so barely the top of his head was visible. "I don't know what you're talking about."

And that-

That was when Blake felt as if he had lost it. He was a sudden lit fuse, pushing himself up onto his feet so fast that the chair nearly tipped back.

"Norman! You are a fuckin' liar, you know that?" Carter gave a sharp growl, then reached forward to roughly pull the blanket off of Norman and the bed both. For a moment the young man was dazed, left vunerable to both the cool air and to the harsh gaze of his angry lover.

Norman tried to reach his arms up to cover his eyes, but Blake wouldn't have for any of it. He was tired about the man always fleeing, always trying to change the subject. At first he could understand; Jayden said that he would stop, always said that he would. And soon after it even seemed that he did. Up until that night.

The fainting, the dizziness. It didn't seem to strike a thought in Blake's heart until he finally heard Jayden's guilt-ridden voice upon waking up.

Carter all but crawled on the bed to get to the agent. "Tell me the truth Norman!" He made a grab for both of the other's arms, then quickly pinned them right above his mussed, dark haired head. "Have you been taking the fucking drug?!"

Norman thrashed in his lover's grip, his legs trying to kick out against the hold, but Carter was far stronger than him. At best, he was able to jostle the two of them around and roll them until they were both awkwardly on their sides, but Norman was far too weak to do anything further.

Eventually the struggled died down, leaving the young agent in nothing less than a wreck in Blake's hold. And when the young man finally did go limp, merely laying against Blake's body with his hands still held tight and above his head, there was a distinct sound of rushing breath.

"I'm sorry," Came the soft whisper. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." And it was more than enough of an answer for Carter to understand. And he could have been angry, could have continued on with his undying rage upon the confession, but he just couldn't bring himself to keep yelling at the other.

But Jayden had promised him, /promised/ that he would stop it. He would try to keep himself away from taking it.

For a few long, tense minutes they layed together on the bed, Carter's grip finally loosening and trailing down Jayden's body until he was holding him instead. The young agent merely responded with another sharp breath, and for a moment Carter was worried that he was actually crying.

"...Norm?" He asked softly a moment later, nearly too frightened to let himself look down and watch Norman's face.

Norman gave a soft hiccup of sound.

"It was a week ago. You were gone. A spell came on and it was getting really fucked up and I just...I couldn't take it." The voice of Jayden was hurried and light, like a child trying to explain exactly why he had done something wrong. Blake felt Jayden's soft, almost gentle hands holding tight to his arms. "I had it on the dresser and I-fuck, I mean it was really bad. I didn't think it would set off the withdrawals again."

Carter could have swore and could have easily frightened the shy agent with his anger (which, if anything was boiling over slightly in his head). But one look down to those soft eyes and it merely dissapated. There was nothing in those depths but guilt. Terrible, horrible guilt.

"I'm sorry Carter."

the older man shifted them around on the bed, sighing, and reaching off the side so he could at least grab a blanket and cover Jayden back up. The young man accepted the gesture happily, nuzzling into the other's broad chest with little more than a little hum in reply.

For seemingly the hundreth time that night, silence filled the air between the two men. Neither was able to speak, and instead there was merely a simple warmth shared between them, and the unbreakable yet underlying sense of love.

Finally Carter had to sigh, and he pressed one kiss to Jayden's pale, almost clammy forehead. They would have to start all over it seemed, right from the getgo with dealing with the withdrawls and symptoms.

"Don't ever think like that again," came the low rumble of his voice upon the thought, feeling nothing more than worry (and partial guilt himself, since his absense for his lover was what caused some of the relapse). "Alright? I mean, don't fuckin' scare me like that Norm. Seriously, why did you try to hide that from me?"

"I thought...you would be angry." Norman hid his eyes by pushing his face into the other's throat. Carter gave a grunt at the reason, though it wasn't surprising in the least.

"Fucking right I'd be angry. Angry because I don't want you gettin' hurt." Another kiss against Jayden's forehead, then soft hands pressing circles into his back. "Norman. I fuckin' love you. So don't go doing things like that, alright?"

Though the other didn't respond, Carter knew he had heard the words of deep concern.

Outside the nearby window, the first flickers of golden light was starting to pour into the room. And it was then that Blake even seemed to notice the time, how many hours it had been since all the chaos had started. And with it he grumbled, wordlessly pressing soft little kisses into what he could of Jayden's hair.

"...We'll try again," he said at last, deciding that anger at that point would only make things worse. He couldn't just rush into it when it came with Norman, couldn't hit it with rage and anger as he would have in any normal situation. But that was just it, it wasn't normal. It was about Norman Jayden, the only fucking man that he loved. He could be a little patient for him. "I'm not fucking around here either. You stop alright? No more of it."

A soft nod moved against his throat, and he settled deeper on the bed, until finally a soft movement from his lover had his own body covered in the shared blanket. And though Blake was never one for the pansy, soft and girly aspects of love, there was something about who Jayden was that he actually didn't actually mind it.

And so when Jayden bit his lip and pressed an almost shy kiss to Carters cheek, there was no yearning to disagree with what came out of Jayden's mouth.

"...I promise I won't, Blake. Only...only if you promise to be there with me."

And Blake would have been an idiot not to promise that.


End file.
